Don't Stop Believing

Thursday, 28 February 2013

Dear Mom

Dear Mommy,

Today is your birthday and you would be turning 62 but it's been nine years though since we celebrated your birthday and nine years since I've seen you, hugged you or felt a mothers love. I miss you everyday Mommy but birthdays and Christmas are the hardest. These anniversary dates remind me of your continued absence in my life. I miss you so much Mommy. Everyday.

Sometimes I wonder what we would be doing today if you were alive. How would we celebrate your birthday and would you be excited about reaching 62? Would there be cake and presents? Wine and singing? I wonder where in the world we would be on your birthday and who would be celebrating with us but, Mommy your not here!

There is no celebration of your birthday, no gifts, no cake, or singing. It seems like no one even remembers anymore that today is your birthday but that's what time does to people Mommy. We heal, we move on and then we forget but Mommy I haven't forgotten. Everyday I think of you and wonder so many things.

I wonder if you would be proud of me and the life I have chosen to live. The decisions I have made and the of the woman I have become. I have met a man Mommy and he has changed my life. I'm in love and I wish you could meet him Mommy. I think you would really like him! So much has happened in nine years Mommy, you have missed so much and there is so much I wish I could share with you.

After we lost you to ALS my whole life changed Mommy. You need to know that, how hard you fought to stay alive and how much you suffered during those six years changed me fundamentally. Your strength and your will to live made me see life differently. I didn't realise it at the time Mommy but, your death gave me the gift of gratitude for life. Daddy and I witnessed your suffering day after day for six years but now I never complain about my own life Mommy. I always say 'thank you' for my health because I watched your body disintegrate Mommy to the point where you were trapped within it.
I realise the importance of being kind to people Mommy and giving them a listening ear or a dollar from my pocket because the kindness shown to us in our hour of need was unforgettable. It is because of how your disease Mommy and how it made you walked so funny and talked so funny that I never judge anyone anymore Mommy.
But really Mommy, it's because of losing you that I appreciate everyday of my life.
Every.
Single.
Day.

Mommy.

Happy Birthday.
Love Leah

Friday, 22 February 2013

Suffer & Listen

You ask me about my trip around the world.
You ask me how it was? You state that I must have met some pretty amazing people and seen some remarkable things.
You've been on the road for so long you exclaim, of course you must have changed!
Please tell me about your adventure you say.
Tell me, tell me, tell me your story.

And so I ask, what do you want to know? Well you reply;
"What was your favourite country?"

I breathe. Mentally search my memory and try to pick out a story that I think will satisfy you.
Yet, as I search your eyes in a brief but desperate panic for the answer that will most satisfy you, I realise the process is a lost cause and exhale to regurgitate whatever comes to mind.

Maybe its the taj maha in India, riding in a hot air balloon in Cappadocia, climbing the great wall of china, jumping off the Macau tower, or the sacrifice I witnessed everyday by originally people like you and me. Of course you wanna hear about all the beautiful things the world has to offer and turn your head to the sacrifice. To the suffering. To the pain.
You take another sip of your beer, check your iphone and change the subject.

I bite my lip and fight back the anger rising in my heart but my mind screams; why! Why do you ask me about my trip and the world if you don't wanna know how it truly is? If you don't wanna know the truth. Why! Why do you even ask?

You continue to talk to me while checking your facebook, listening to the ending of my story and attempting to appear interested yet, in my heart I know the truth. I know you wish I would stop talking about sad stories and move on to things that make you laugh. Things that make YOU happy.

With all my might I try to move on to a more cheerful topic but I can feel my legs shaking under the table. My hands quickly settle on top of my thighs in an attempt to calm them but the shake goes straight to my heart and a single ear forms in the corner of my eye. I bite the inside of my lip, until I taste blood, and try to fight back the dam of tears which are on the break of overflowing.

The topic quickly gets changed to sporting events, food, or boozing adventures and the conversation flows onwards. I quietly stand up and remove myself from the table with the excuse to pee but really it's an excuse to pull myself away from the cloudiness of tears slowly overflowing my eyes.
With my bare ass on the toilet, I finally allow the dam to break and the pain flood my heart. My tears fall on the bathroom floor, like snowflakes from heaven, soft, gently and quietly barely touching the earth. Regardless they fall and it's in these moments where I stop shaking and realise I've seen too much of the world.

I've seen too much of the world not to care anymore.

Saturday, 9 February 2013

Taiwan

After three weeks in the Philippines, Liam and I ventured off to Taiwan for ten days. Our flight landed in the capital city of Taipei where we spent a few days exploring all the major touristy sites. We went to the National Palace Museum, Taipei 101, 228 Peace Memorial Park, Shilin Night Market, & various temples scattered across the city. We ate freshly made dumplings and drank bubble teas daily, bought fresh fruit from the markets for breakfast and wandered night markets until the late evening. The days passed quickly as we fell into tune with the Taipei way of life and the energy of the city. After a few days we pulled ourselves away from Taipei and headed down the East coast of the Island to Taitung city.

Taitung moved at a much slower pace than Taipei yet, we found ourselves enjoying the city just as much. The night markets were plentiful, the food was delicious and the locals welcoming. Even though we only knew a few words of Mandarin we found ways to communicate & connect with the local people, all of whom were extremely patience and generous to us. We took a few days in Taitung to explore but also to prepare ourselves for the ferry to Green Island. The horror stories of the 'barf barge' had made there way to our ears and I was terrified of the 50 minutes of complete torture I would have to endure. Lonely Planet states that the ferry from Taitung to Green Island makes the majority of people extremely seasick, even on the best of conditions. Thus, when one gets motion sickness on almost everything that moves, even escalators and tubes, you inevitably know you will be puking your guts out.

On the morning we boarded the ferry I refused to eat or drink anything, even water, and took two motion sickness tablets. The first few minutes of the ferry felt like a gentle roller coaster but then my body began to sweat, shake and begin projecting anything in my stomach. I'm not sure which was worse, the convulsions of my body attempting to relieve itself from the complete pain or hearing and seeing everyone else puking up their breakfast. People were puking on the floor, in buckets, on themselves and many, many, people had their heads half stuck in plastic bags. Needless to say, whenever I think of Taiwan my first memory will always be the ferry ride from Taitung to Green Island.

The ferry ride proved to be worth the torture. The island is remarkably beautiful. We spent our days riding a scooter around the 20 km island, attempting to hike different paths, exploring the lookouts and relaxing in the saltwater hot springs by the sea. Our evenings were consumed with eating fresh sashimi, rice and bubble teas. When it was time to leave I had mentally and emotionally prepared myself for the ferry ride back to the main land however, the Gods must have been on my side because the seas were so still the ocean looked like glass. We arrived back on the main land with our stomach contents still safely intact and began the trip back to Taipei to catch our flight for the next adventure.

In our hostel in Taipei

Outside the Xingtian Temple in Taipei

Heading to the market

The Shilin Night market streets

Trying out all the local street foods at the Shilin Market

7/11 egg anyone?

Outside the National Palace Museum.
Which holds the largest collection of ancient Chinese artifacts.

Taipei 101 - The second tallest building in the world.

In the 228 Peace Memorial Park in Taipei, Taiwan

Liam's first bubble tea in Taitung, Taiwan

Eating local food in Taitung, Taiwan

Taitung cakes, like a pancake with cream and red bean filling.

Made fresh before your eyes.

The barf barge to Green Island. Worst ferry experience of my life.
People puking on the floor, in buckets and on themselves.

Exploring Green Island.

Many beautiful lookout points on Green Island.
This was one of them.

At the top of the lookout.

Can you see the yellow jacket?

The prison on Green Island.
Green Island first served an an isolated spot and place for exile for political prisoners.

Local people making fun of the islands history.

Liam at the rescue! ha ha sorry had to include this one.

The streets of Green Island.

Zhaori Saltwater Hot Springs beside on ocean on Green Island

Liam and I in the hot springs.

Had one night in a very fancy hotel in Shanghai.
A much needed escape from dorms.

Beer with breakfast in Shanghai airport.

Saturday, 2 February 2013

Paradise in the Philippines

By the time I reached the Philippines I had been bouncing around the world for approximately ten months. My travels included 23 different countries and to travel to these countries I had been on (approximately) 19 planes, 50 buses, 17 ferries, 12 trains and 5 shuttles!! So more or less I was on the move every 2.9 days with the longest period of time spent anywhere accumulating to only two weeks. Needless to say I was in desperate need of a rest and a place to unpack my bag for more than 2.9 days!

The place that we (my boyfriend and I) chose to spend this time was on a little beach called Las Cabanas outside of the town of El Nido, on the island of Palawan, in the Philippines. If you search google images of El Nido, Palawan the pictures that appear do the place justice!

Las Cabanas beach is a short tricycle ride outside of the town of El Nido, about five minutes or so, but just far enough to eliminate any of the town chaos. You get dropped off on the side of the highway beside a grass hut where more tricycle drivers wait in hope to get some bussiness from tourists leaving the beach. The driver points you down a narrow path leading through the overgrown forest and coconut trees, which you can only assume leads you to the beach. At the end of the path you come face to face with complete paradise. Beautiful crystal blue water, soft golden sandy beaches and coconut trees overhanging the beach. There are lots of beautiful spots like this in the world but what makes Las Cabanas beach unique is that there are only two pensions as far as the eye can see, the rest of the area is left completely how nature made it (for now at least). There are many people scattered under the overhanging coconut trees or swimming in the calm rolling water. The rest of the beach is free.

There isn't much to say about our time here. We slowed down our pace and took our time in simple pleasures. Reading, writing, walking, making music and sleeping. We ate fresh fish and mangos everyday; we made some new friends; we took a scuba course; but mostly we simply relaxed.

This was our home for 18 days.