Pieces or castles

My thoughts are super scattered and my heart is torn. The hours turn into days, days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months. Yet, so much happens in every hour, every day, every week, that it feels like years since I last saw home. Time means so much but moves so fast. When you travel time takes on a very different form, it shapes itself into an illusion. So much happens everyday that it feels like you've been gone for so long, yet in reality very little time has passed. With so many more months of travelling ahead my heart often wonders what will happen after all the allotted time actually passes. Where will I be? Who will I be? And how much of my heart will be left? There are so many things about life that I do not know, nor understand. What I do know is that everyone is seeking someone special is life. Everyone is looking for love but that really cant surprise anyone. We are not meant to walk this earth alone. There is abundance in everything in life and especially in love.  There is this unseen, but strongly felt, power that pulls us together into twos. It is like there is gravity within our souls that pushes us to look for our compliment. The one who we are to share our story with. I have learnt that almost everything in life comes back to love. Many of us spend our whole lives waiting for it but then when it comes knocking on our door, we want more. We want to change its form or change the person but love doesn't just come in the form of a partner or someone who shares our bed, love comes into our lives in so many forms. Love comes to us in the form of friends, the  grocery store owner, the bus driver who smiles with his heart, the people who cross our path and those we call family.
This all brings me back to my scattered thoughts and torn heart. For the first time in my life, I am not looking for a lover nor do I feel one has a place within my life. But I am still giving love and receiving love everyday but from a different stance. The difficult thing is, whenever we change our view, our perspective automatically changes and the questions that now fill my mind drive me farther to confusion. My heart feels so full that it might explode but on the flip side I feel like I have lost pieces of it. I don't hold back in my friendships nor in life therefore, I give whatever I have to those I meet; my story, my thoughts, my views, and my heart.  Perhaps I give too much of it or perhaps I don't yet know how to hold on it but how is one to hold on to their heart when they travel the world? I have not fallen in love with anyone but I have fallen in love with everyone. There are so many fabulous people that have come into my life that I feel beyond blessed. Everyday I met these extraordinary people with such interesting ideas, thoughts, beliefs and attitudes. We share, we explore, we laugh, we join and then we part. Each time it is getting a little harder and a little more difficult to part. Each time I feel as though a little piece of my heart gets left behind with them as they fad away in the rear view mirror. I remind myself to breathe and remind myself to trust in what I know. "Everything I need is within me and everything I need to know I already possess. Somewhere it all comes back to trusting yourself". - me

Nevertheless, the question keeps coming back. Can I continue to give away pieces of my heart? Or, do I build an visible castle and leave the closest parts of my heart locked away? My initial response to the latter is always immediately "No". Thus, my mind continues to race and attempt to find a way to keep my heart whole. Perhaps there is no answer. Perhaps this will remain one of the many things I do not know about life. That is okay because not all questions need answers and not all answers need questions. As my thoughts continue in circles, like the swings at the fair, around and around and around, my heart will continue to give in the only way it knows how - completely. Maybe my heart will end up scattered across this beautiful earth or perhaps I am just learning. Learning a new perspective or a new view, on how to give, how to love, and how to share. To some this post will make absolutely no sense, to others they understand perfectly how we give parts of ourselves to those we travel the world with. For all those whom we shared the same path, short or long, and to all those who are about to come into my life, a piece of my heart is now yours. Perhaps in learning this love is where my salvation lies.