Love in Bali

I have never been the type of woman who dreamt of her wedding day. Napkin colours, flower arrangements, dress patterns and guest lists, were never thoughts that crossed my mind. I always dreamt that I would get married in Bali. Not sure why but I thought Bali would be the place in which my love and I would join together and begin our journey as one. I dreamt that my love and I would find a random beach, I would get a random white dress and with some random people as our witnesses, we would form a union together as the sun set below the sea. But life sometimes has a different plan for us and my reality is very different from my dream. In this current reality I am a single woman in Bali with no man by my side and no ring on my finger. Because of my loves absence I found myself dreaming of him. Envisioning our love and putting him together like pieces of a puzzle. Feature by feature he came into my imagination. My mind created him in the perfect form that I see him in my heart.  I envisioned the colour of his hair, the curves of his face, his height, foot size, favourite colour, his dreams, abilities, aspirations, and  hobbies. Will he like to travel? How spiritual will he be? Will he see life with the same eyes as mine? I dreamt him, created him, envisioned him. Yet the more I thought about him and the more I thought about my perfect love, the more I searched my own heart. This life has given me so many beautiful partners, lovers and potential husbands but there is something within myself that I still long to discover. Something my heart is searching for. There are so many things about myself that I still need to discover, explore and decide.
The majority of my life  I have always had a mans arms to crawl into. Someone to care for me, love me, take care of me. Someone standing in my corner. However now my bed only sleeps one, there is only one toothbrush in the bathroom and there is no one to run to.  For the first time this is what brings me the greatest happiness. I realized that although I look for him, although I search for him, there is a burning within my soul and a passion within my heart to be free. I need to be free. Free of people, free of time lines, free of a home, and free within myself. The thought of being tied to someone or some place does not bring welcoming feelings into my heart. Bali gave me one of the greatest gifts I could ever ask for and perhaps something I have always searched for; a willingness to be free. Perhaps I will meet him, my love, my compliment, my perfect partner, somewhere in this world. However I realize now that I am not ready for him. One day he will find me, one day we will begin our story together, one day the universe will bring us together. Until that day I will dream of him, I will continue to envision him but I am not ready for him.

Singapore

13 Days in Sinagpore

My time in Singapore was a complete 180 from backpacking; I went from dirty hostels with no air-condition to a fancy hotel with a king size bed covered in soft, white, linens.

Mr. Jesse Crawford, a friend home back home, currently works between Singapore and Winnipeg as an engineer. Jesse graciously welcomed me into his space as a guest for my 13 day stay. The hotel that Jesse lives in has a beautiful out door pool, great gym facility, free breakfast, free happy hour and all the regular luxuries of a fancy hotel.

The first night that I arrived in Singapore was a Saturday evening. Jesse and I took in the free happy hour and then headed downtown to Clark Quay for dinner and drinks. Singapore is an absolutely stunning city at night. It reminds me a lot of Hong Kong but smaller, cleaner and more expensive. The following two days I didn’t even bother to leave the hotel. I simple spent my time soaking up the sun by the pool, working out and reading in the white linen bed. Here is brief snap shot of how my 13 days in Sing were spent...

 

• Explored Singapore with Dorothy on the Duck & Hippo hop-on, hop-off bus tour. Great way to see all the sites of Singapore and learn some local history.

• Read two novels

• Had my first class of real red wine since leaving Canada - gotta love free happy hour.

• Went grocery shopping and found brown bread!!! I spent two hours wandering the grocery store looking at all the yummy foods I hadn't seen in so long and learning about ones I'd never seen.

• Used Jesse's kitchen (first time the poor thing had been used) and made pan fried pizzas. Super tasty.

• Spent an afternoon on the beach out front the hotel.

• Booked a flight to India.

• Went to a local pub for music on a Friday evening with Jesse and one of his co-workers. 

• Got lost on the MTR (I mean MRT ;) numerous times, until I eventually learnt my way around Singapore.

• Tried Dim Sum for the first time. 

• Got a tattoo!

• Walked through what feels like 100 malls. Singapore is a huge shopping mall connected by MRT stations and overhead walks ways all air conditioned. I despise shopping but if you loathe it Singapore is your city.

• Found a used book store/new book store for more nourishment for my mind, as well as, used travel guides. 

• Enjoyed numerous free breakfasts and awesome coffee on the 17th floor of the hotel watching the sun rise over Singapore.

• Laughed an enormous amount at Jesse's outrageous sense of humor. The guy has a comment or come-back for absolutely everything. He definitely kept a smile on my face.

• Sewed more than I ever have...long story.

• Explored Little India and Chinatown. Every big city in Asia has em....

• Took a weekend trip to Tioman Island in Malaysia with Jesse for cheap beers and ocean water. We met a lot of great people there especially Emma and Tori.

• Harassed Jesse daily about the ferris wheel. For the record Tori and Emma we never made it on due to induling in too much free happy hour

• Went to the Singapore Zoo for the night safari with Tori.

• Found Bikram Yoga Habourfront Singapore studio and took a couple of classes. Amazing studio and felt so good to be back on the mat. Unfortunately I didn’t get any pictures of the studio but the link is above. Painted on the wall in the yoga room is "It's not hot, You're hot!". One of my favorite Bikram says. The studio is a beautiful space with really friendly staff and students.

• Tried pepper crab and chill crab with Jesse's colleagues. Yum! Yum!

Huge thanks to Jesse for allowing me to invade his personal space for two weeks. It was really great to catch up with you after four years. Enjoy the rest of your time in Singapore; don't eat too many ritz crackers and make sure you go on the ferris wheel! xoxo

 

Gym @ Grand Mercue Roxy Singapore



Grocery shopping for first time in months

 

I love Singapore :)



Harbourfront in Singapore



Dorothy and I on the hop-on, hop-off tour



My favourite building in Singapore



Ferries Wheel :) Larger then the London Eye

 

Beach on Tioman Island, Malaysia

  

New Friends!
Myself, Jesse, Tori, & Emma



Swing on the beach at sunset ...
Life is good!



Jesse and I on Tioman Island



Coldest ferry ride ever!



Peppercrab in Singapore





The Story Behind The Ink

Colleen Patricia Sommerfield (nee Cram) 

On my inside, left, forearm, where her disease started

As many people already know (via facebook) I got my first tattoo yesterday in Singapore. A lot of people have been sending me messages of support, love, encouragement, as well as, sharing their own personal stories of loss and hardship. In addition, people are asking me the meaning of the ink and who the person was. To answer every ones questions and provide the background story this is the most appropriate method.

Colleen Patricia Sommerfield (nee Cram) was my mother. The anniversary of her death was eight years ago as of June 18, 2012. She passed away from a disease called Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS), sometimes better known as Lou Gehrig's disease. ALS is a rapid and progressive, neuromuscular disease which leads to paralysis of the voluntary muscles. Essentially you end up unable to talk, walk, eat, scratch, poop, write, sit, or even move but your mind stays the completely the same. My mother once described it to me as being trapped within your own body like a prison. She left this world a week before my high school graduation and three weeks before my eighteenth birthday, yet we were suppose to lose her five years prior, however we underestimated her determination....

When I was in grade six my mother first developed symptoms of the disease in her left wrist which doctors thought was carpal tunnel. She struggled for weeks to get the key into our house lock or sign her name on a cheque. My mother was left-handed thus, simple, daily, tasks soon became a frustrating struggle. After weeks of tests, failed treatments, and misdiagnoses, doctors finally diagnosed her with ALS with a six month prognosis. Once the initial shock had hit the Sommerfield and Cram families, my parents pulled me out of school and we went travelling together.  We went on a cruise, lived in Florida for awhile and simply spent time together processing the future challenge ahead of us. I distinctively remember that on one of our family trips my mother said to me, "I will be at your high school graduation". My response was "No Mom, that's not possible. That is six years away and the doctors gave you six months.". Little did I know but my mother was one of the most determined people I have/will ever meet. Although it would have been physically impossible for her to attend my grad she made it close enough to see my dress and accept that her daughter had reached one of life's many mile stones.

It was my mothers wish to die at home and my father and I, with the help of many others (family, friends, social workers, home-care helpers, hospice workers, nurses, and doctors) made that possible. For six years we took care of her every need and attempted to make her as comfortable as possible. We figured out schedules for visitors, rotations for aid workers, modified our home, developed methods of communication and adjusted our personal lives. That all sounds so simple in writing but in reality it was so much more difficult. As we approached the last few weeks of her life, my father and I ensured that one of us was always around. Although my mother had clearly stated she did not, by any means, want my father or I around when she took her last breath, we were determined for her not to be alone.

One day my high school called me stating that I had to bring in a baby picture for my graduation table. They had been waiting weeks for it (as I had stopped going to school) and could not wait any longer. My father was out biking (aka de-stressing) so I kissed my mother, told her I loved her, would be back in five minutes, and informed the nurse. I drove as fast as possible to the school, ran inside, dropped off the picture and raced home. Upon returning home, my father was in the door way, still in his bike gear, with a crying nurse by his side. The expression on his face was one of death. An expression that only those who have lost someone close to them truly understand. The grief is so deep it sucks the light from your eyes and pulls your heart into the pit of your stomach. I knew immediately what had happened. During those five minutes, that I left her alone, she slipped into another world, one in which we could not follow, no matter how desperately I wanted to. I was immediately filled with an overwhelming amount of grief, pain and regret. It was my shift and I had left her alone. It took me years to forgive myself and accept that she had waited for those five minutes so our last memory wouldn't be her last breath. My mother hadn't been without either my father or I, for weeks, months, maybe even a year, she had patiently waited until she was alone and felt it was safe to finally let go.

I would pay, give or do anything to see my mother one more time. To ask her if she is proud of me and to tell her that I love her but I would not change the life experience that came with losing her. That experience transformed me into the person who I am today. I understand things, and see life in a way, that unfortunately most never do. Even during death she taught me the most important of life's lessons. She showed me first hand true love, dedication, determination, faith, patience, inner strength, and the power of ones' mind. The gift of life is so delicate and precious that we must never take it for granted and health is often something we only appreciate in its absence. After eight years of going through the stages of grief, over, and over, and over again, I am finally able to tell this story. My heart is finally able to communicate the loss, and the gifts, that came with losing my mother. In many ways, I radiate out everything that she was and live my life in harmony with the many strengths and vast wisdom she gave me. In the end, I got my mothers named tattooed on my skin because it represents so much more than just a name. It is a reminder of everything written above and after eight years I am now able to bear on my skin what so strongly resides within my heart.

Malaysia

It is truly remarkable how the universe gives us exactly what we need, when we need it, regardless of whether or not we are aware of it.


As I boarded the plane to Kuala Lumpur (KL) my heart was heavy with as I left behind those whom I had grown so close to, yet, I forced myself to stay positive and reached out into the unknown for something new. I was given back exactly what my heart desired; fellow travellers to explore the beautiful country of Malaysia with. Regardless of how I met them they were the perfect people to share my time with.

KL is another big city with the usual attractions: night markets; museums; zoos; local food markets; caves; shopping centres; and the usual feel of an overcrowded city. What made KL remarkable was the connection given to me by my good friend back home Nathan Lo. He connected me with a local, Sam Dang, whom lived in Canada and actually went to the same university as me (what a small world!). On my second night in KL, myself and two lads I met, went out and met Sam. At first he ensured we saw the big sites of KL and then took us to a night food market. He ordered up an ray of different local food dishes. It was one of the best meals I have had since leaving home. We spent the entire night with Sam, as he graciously showed us around KL and ensured that we had the best possible time we could. The generosity he showed us was unlike anything I have witness from someone who knew me for only a few hours. From the bottom of my heart thank you Sam! I know you strongly prefer never to go back to Winnipeg but if you do please let me return the favour.

The following day I headed up the coast via plane to the Perhentian Islands with Clemens Riebenbauer. The two of us had met my first night in KL in our dorm room.  We decided to escape the big city and booked a flight up the coast to hang out on an island for a week. This proved to be something I needed more than I had known.

The last two years of my life were complete madness with very few moments to stop a think or even sleep. I moved to Ottawa two years ago to complete my dietetic internship with my ex-boyfriend. We are expected to work full time (for free) while writing a thesis in the evenings. In addition, I taught and practiced Bikram Yoga everyday after the studio opened. After graduating I started working (virtually the next day) with the aspiration of becoming a good Dietitian. While working full time as a Registered Dietitian I continued to teach 3 - 8 classes a week and take as many as possible, plus attempting to maintain some level of a social life. Somewhere during all the madness my ex and I lost each other and I moved out.

As I sat down the beach looking out at the crystal clear water the reality of my past and present life came flooding in. My mind and soul was overwhelmed with thoughts, feelings, memories and emotions. If there was any moment that I needed a face from home it was during that week, however I knew the only was out was through. So I started to read again, something I hadn't done in two years, I wrote in my journal again and I listened. Thought by thought, memory by memory, chapter by chapter I processed everything my mind released. In many ways I believe my mind locked everything in a box and waited for me to slow down until it gave me back the key. If there is any place to come down it would be in the Perhentian Islands. Some nights I slept like a baby while others I woke screaming from nightmares that I can't remember. For six days I simply laid on the beach with a book, my journal and music. I met a German girl, Doro, laying on the beach one day and she soon became my companion and the perfect person to ride the waves with. There was often hours where I wouldn't speak as I escaped into my own mind but she was always right beside me when I came back down to earth. Although I rarely spoke of the journey going on within my own mind, the bits I did share she actually listened and provided the advice I most needed to hear. As we watched our last sunset I felt as though my past had finally been digested, my mind emptied and the nightmares gone.

KL Streets

Large monkey God outside the caves in KL

MONKEYS!

260 steps to the caves in the heat of the day in KL

Before climbing up.

At the entrance of the caves

In KL outside the twin towers

The twin towers! Super cool at night! Definitely a must see in KL.

Dinner with Sam :)

Clemens and Silvan having beers with Sam in KL

View of the Island - Coral Beach

View from our room :)We stayed at Senja Guesthouse. Awesome resort. 

Clemens and I on Coral Beach

BBQ at night on the beach with local seafood

Local Dude, Doro (Dorothy), Clemens, and myself having dinner on the beach

Dorothy playing the guitar on the beach at night

For Stacey :)

Chilling out watching movies on the beach at night

Sunsets

I love Laos

Prior to leaving on this adventure fellow travellers always raved about Laos. Now I understand why and completely agree. The country and the people are phenomenal. There is something unique about Laos that can't be captured with words. Even though I thoroughly enjoyed Vietnam and Cambodia, Laos is a country I would love to visit again  one day.

Our journey to Laos was a long one. We took a 12 hour bus ride from Siem Reap to Bangkok. Waited 4 hours and then took a 16 hour sleeper train from Bangkok to the capital of Laos. We were all in desperate need of a shower but ended up in the dirtiest hostel I have ever seen. It smelt like mold, there was water all over the floor and the shower looked like it hadn't been cleaned in months. We attempted to make our selves slightly cleaner but with little success we left to fill our bellies with local food. After refuelling we headed for the next leg of our trip. The bus ride to Louangphrabang was another long one and I got no sleep secondary to the constant twists and turns.  When we arrived in Louangphrabang I pulled up my socks (not figuratively) and prepared myself for our next adventure. We found a great hostel (outside picture included) with clean, beautiful double rooms for $7.50 each. 

(I figure its best to start including the accommodations I choose as many people are messaging me about details on whether or not the ones I choose are worth the time). 

Louangphrabang is a chill town with a strong French influence. The food is awesome and there is also great wine! Huge plus after drinking cheap beers for 4 weeks. In Louangphrabang we did a half day trip to the beautiful water falls, and of course, saw some more temples. We have seen so many temples that now they all look the same. 

The following day we did an elephant tour. We rode elephants in the jungle, learnt how to command them, swam with them and fed them. After the elephants we took a small motor boat and visited a few local villages. It was neat to see how the locals truly live. We even witnessed a village wedding. I didn't take any pictures as I felt it wasn't respectful as we were already walking through their backyards. The entire day was a grand experience and I highly recommend all of the above in  Louangphrabang. 

Furthermore, there is a night market in Louangphrabang where you can get a plate of local food for around $2.00.  You are allowed to fill the plate with as much as you like. Great way for travellers to stay on budget and taste the local delights. In the evenings we visited a few local pubs but the only real place to party in Louangphrabang is at the bowling alley. The entire town, like many places in Vietnam & Cambodia, as a curfew. Therefore, after all the local pubs close at 11pm everyone gets in tuk tuks and heads to the bow ling alley to drink cheap beers and pretend to be good at bowling.

After Louangphrabang we headed down to Vang Vieng for the tubing experience of the life time. We had to take another bus (sigh sigh) and due to my horrible experiences on sleeper buses I opted to try a Valium. Gravol does absolutely nothing on Laos roads as they are the absolute worst. At one point during our travels I took three gravols with no success so, Stevie found me a local pharmacy in Louangphrabang and I bought some valium. After taking two I was out like a light. We were dropped on the side of the road in the rain at 3am and I was a complete zombie. Thank goodness for my amazing travel buddies who got us home safe. If you get bad motion sickness like myself, Valium does help make the Laos bus rides at least somewhat bearable but make sure you have good travel friends or you'll miss your stop. Needless to say we arrived, got to our hostel and slept till the sun came up.  

I didn't take any pictures in Vang Vieng as my camera is already in rough shape and there was just too much water to risk it. We planned on staying for 2 days and ended up staying for 4 nights. It is one of the craziest party places I have ever been. One night I remember riding home on the top of a tuk tuk (sorry Dad). 

The first day we decided to rent tubes however only made it to the first two bars, lost our tubes, our deposits but woke up with some awesome memories. The next day we skipped out on the tubes and just experienced the various bars along the river. On the third day we finally got tubes and made it down the whole river. It is a beautiful ride down and just at the end it started to rain harder than I have ever seen rain. That night we made it to the bucket bar and smile bar. We met so many awesome people from all over the world in Vang Vieng. I look forward to crossing paths with many of them again soon.

After Vang Vieng I took a bus alone down to the capital to meet up with Cindy Qu for our last night together before going our separate ways. Stevie stayed in Vang Vieng and Nick had a flight back to Germany on the 6th. Cindy and I had a great last dinner at a local restaurant and discussing our favourite memories, moments, and friends we made on our journey together. 

Collecting flags for every country I visit!

Waterfalls in Louangphrabang

Cindy and I at the waterfalls in Louangphrabang

More falls, with a swinging rope to jump in!

Steve and I on the elephant

Nick and Cindy on the elephants!

Steve representing communism

The elephant Steve and I rode and fed

Heading into the water....

You ride the elephants out of the water on their bear backs and then they sit down to let you off :)

Team partyfloor at a local village on the bridge. Every rainy season the bridge gets washed away and re-built.

Attempting to turn Stevie into a coffee lover while he represents communisms as usual.

Louangphrabang village street

Cindy, Nick and I at another temple..

Stevie outside another temple

The art inside the temple.

Local crepes! Nutella and banana

Eating my first crepe

Local market in Louangphrabang

Our hostel in Louangphrabang

Stevie on our last sleeper bus (VIP) to tubing! 
 

Sorry there is no pictures of tubing in Vang Vieng but ill get some from Cindy and Stevie soon and post them :) This is the only one I have via facebook....