The Unknown

Realistically I should probably be blogging about the three yoga studios I saw in B.C. but it feels a little unnatural right now. I can't seem to find the words to discuss the ins and outs of yoga studios right now because my mind is trapped in the future. Instead I am sitting in a hotel room at the Vancounver airport with the blinds closed attempting to sleep. Who am I kidding? Sleep is not going to happen tonight just like it didn't happen last night. I toss, I turn, not really thinking about anything, but unable to drift into the subconscious world.

To be frank it's not like what I am doing is that outrageous. I meet people everyday who have done a very similar journey. I am not the first nor will I be the last. Yet, at moments I feel completely disconnected to everyone I know. Here I am giving up everything that I own while everyone else around me is attempting to accumulate more stuff. I don't care what I wear or what I look like, because I acknowledge that the worse is yet to come. There will definitely be days where I haven't showered, changed, washed my face or put on fresh socks but that's okay. Beauty is something that shines from the inside out, not outside in.

Moment of truth - for the last two days I can't stop shaking. My conscious mind does not feel scared, nervous or fearful. I completely accept what could happen and I am okay with that reality. But it is like I have developed a small tremor. Perhaps my subconscious is attempting to prepare me for the unknown. Or perhaps my mind has not yet caught up with my soul. Regardless it is very difficult to drink a glass of water, put on mascara, or cut a tomato. In addition, I can't stop pooping. To some people that might seem extremely gross but it is the truth. The truth is not always pretty nor is it usually what we want to hear. But it is the truth. The same thing happened to my body when I left Winnipeg for Vancouver. It is like a subconscious nervous system reaction. I shake, I poop and I can't eat, but I am happy. Now that sounds a little bit crazy.

So tonight with a close friend by my side I cried for the first time. I cried about the unknown, I cried about being alone, I cried about missing my dad, and I cried, simply for the sake of needing to cry. There is something unique about allowing yourself to cry that makes everything seem a little bit more okay. Or perhaps crying is simply a form of emotion which allows yourself to feel. To accept the current reality and then move forward. As my dear friend wiped away my tears it hit me. It is not the actual journey I am on that provokes these emotions it is the truth of venturing into the unknown on your own. Whether it is quitting a job, asking someone to marry you, moving to a new city, starting school, ending a relationship, or jumping from a plane. The one common thread in all of these things is the unknown at the other side. So there it is. Tonight I cried, accepting the fact that I am venturing not only to Hong Kong, but into the unknown with me, myself and I.

Beautiful British Columbia

View from Meghan's Balcony 

Vancouver & Victoria 

On my way to Hong Kong I decided to go and spend two weeks in the beautiful province of British Columbia. The main purpose of this extended stopover was to reconnect with two lifelong friends - Jaimee Devlin & Meghan Robertson, as well as, see family and get an India visa.  For all those interested this is what I got up to in  those 14 days...

• The trip began with a carbohydrate loaded Italian dinner with a side of wine at Trattoria (http://www.glowbalgroup.com/trattoria/). An awesome little restaurant that has tables right by the kitchen so you can see all the action. Extremely busy restaurant. They probably flip the place 3 - 4 times a night on a Saturday evening so expect to wait but it will be worth it!
• Hit up MEC for those last few travel items I forgot..oopses! 
• Checked out Bikram Yoga Vancouver the Cambie location and Bikram Yoga Victoria. I will blog about these separately. :) 
• Re-connected with my two cousins Troy Jansen and Garret Jansen. We checked out Doolin's pub and hit up the Roxy with a few of their friends. The Roxy was followed by a trip to McDonald's and beers for breakfast at 2 pm the next day. In addition, had the opportunity to meet  a cousin that I have never met before Alisha Gosselin. She is the same age as me but for some reason our paths never crossed. 
• Fell in love with a boy. His name is Joey :) Meghan has the cutest, low maintenance dog ever. We walked together everyday that I was in Vancouver and once once in the pouring rain without an umbrella. Sometimes you just got to embrace what mother nature is giving you. 
• Ventured downtown and applied for a visa for India. Who knows maybe I'll make my way there.
• Opened an HSBC account. 
• Made friends with a  extremely friendly Chinese lady at the bus stop who provided me with some valuable travel/life advice. Thank you madame. 
• Drove up to Whistler for 12 hours and stayed in a gorgeous chalet. We left at 5pm and Meg had to be back at work for 8am the next day.  Perhaps not one of our best life decisions but we had a fantastic evening! Our hosts (William Anthony & Mark Adamson) made a extremely tasty homemade dinner followed by a hot tub on the balcony.  After a glass or two of wine in the hot tub William and I decided to hit up Whistler for locals night at Buffalo Bills. Super interesting night and needless to say I wasn't able to help Meghan drive home at 5am. Thank you William and Mark for your hospitality and the memories. 
• In conjunction with the bullet above, after returning to Vancouver Meghan worked a full eight hour work day and then we decided it would be a good idea to drive to Victoria. So off we went... 
• History: Our mothers (Meg and I) were best friends growing up. Together they created an extensive list of memorable life experiences. Meghan and I were introduced at a very young age and have remained life long friends. We may live a few provinces apart however we always pick up right where we left off - carrying on doing outrageous things following in our mothers foot steps
• Friday night in Victoria was the celebration of Jaimee Devlin's Birthday! Meghan rounded up a bunch of her girl friends (she lived in Victoria for eight years) and we headed out on the town! 
• In Victoria I had the opportunity to have another excellent meal with a beautiful yogi friend from Ottawa Sarah MacIntyre. We went to Zambris Restaurant (http://www.zambris.ca/). Really interesting menu with many tasty items I have never seen done before. The plates we shared were excellent - great presentation, powerful tastes and good portion sizes. The bartenders are super friendly (but not too talkative) and definitely added to the experience. If you go to Victoria check out this place and sit at the bar.
• I have recently developed a strong craving, or perhaps it has now become a need, for Starbucks on a daily basis. I am not afraid of many things in life but I am slightly scared of the caffeine withdrawal I may experience as I travel. Anyways during one of my daily pit stops at a local Starbucks in Victoria I met a very interesting Winnipeg born man who chatted off my hear for a solid 45 minutes. He encouraged me that I am making the best decision at this junction in my life and discussed with me how this experience will irrevocably alter my life course. Thank you for your support random dude in Starbucks. 
• Met up with Danielle Sullivan and took class at Bikram Yoga Metrotown! Always a great experience to take class beside Danielle. You are a phenomenal woman & Winnipeg is lucky to have you back!! Congrats on getting the job.
• My fantastic father flew into Vancouver for my last week to spend some time with me.  We had many lunches, dinners and many great laughs together with family members. I love you Dad. Note to self: Family is everything in life. 
• Thank you so much Meghan for letting me crash at your place and completely disrupt your life ;) You are one of the most easy going women I know and I had a fantastic time with you. We definitely added a lot of good memories to the bank. 

Vancouver was the perfect transitional city and I am so grateful to have had two full weeks here. Some people asked me why I spent a whole month in Canada and didn't just leave for Hong Kong from Ottawa. The reason is; we live in one of the most beautiful countries in the world yet very few of us take the time to explore our own country. How could I possibly go off and explore the world without seeing Canada coast to coast? I haven't been to every province but I have been as far as Ingonish on Cape Breton Island to Victoria, British Columbia. I believe it is important as a Canadian to know what our own country is like and to take the time to see its beauty. Until next time Canada - keep fit and have fun.

On route to Whistler 

William and I dancing to Journey

Beautiful cherry blooms - all over Vancouver 

Meghan's super cute dog Joey 

Before Picture
Jaimee's Birthday 

After Picture
Jaimee's Birthday 

The Ladies celebrating Jaimee's Birthday & Meg's visit to Victoria

Jaimee's Birthday.
Round one? I think...

The Family in Vancouver 

Meghan and I 

Myself and the long lost cousin Alisha Gosselin

Dad and me :) 

Vancouver 

Bikram Yoga Toronto East

Bikram Yoga Toronto East 

Late Blog Post 

During my last full weekend in the province of Ontario I took a weekend trip to Ajax, Ontario to visit Miss Jodi Brake.  Jodi is a fellow Bikram teacher who has remained an extremely good friend since teacher training in 2008.  Jodi and I visit each other once to twice a year depending on geographical location and financial means. Nevertheless, whenever we connect we always pick up right were we left off.  It seems as though we always come together when we need each other most. Whether its a break up, death, or challenging life change we tend to be side by side when the life throws us lemons. Together we know how to make the perfect lemonade :)

While visiting Jodi we decided to take in a Bikram class at the local studio - Bikram Yoga Toronto East. The mantra of the studio is 'Hot Body, Cool Mind' which perfectly fits the studios ambiance.  The studio is located in a tiny strip mall off one of the main highways. When you enter the studio you are greeted by fresh smelling flowers and a soft sounding waterfall. The studio feels completely calm, relaxed and centred - the exact energy the owner vibrates. It is a beautiful space with large change rooms and a long hallway that leads to a room for mediation or small community gatherings. There are Buddhas and positive, encouraging, messages scattered in all corners of the space.
My favourite features of this studio is the dong drum (sorry no picture). It is used to notify students that class is about to begin. The instructor hits a solid, metal, dong drum approximately three times radiating out a soft vibration throughout the entire studio. It is evident that students have become accustom to this gentle notice as everyone in the hot room rises to their feet and class begins ...

Thank you for a great class Bikram Yoga Toronto

Namaste,

Leah 

My Mom

Lately I have been having the worse insomnia of my life. For weeks now I can't sleep. I am up for hours at night and not even thinking of anything or anyone particular but lately I have been thinking about her. My mom was not a part of my life for nearly a long enough time. I really needed her for a few more solid years until I ventured into the unknown motherless. Nevertheless, my father has done an outstanding job of playing both roles. If I marry a man half of what my father is I would consider myself lucky. Not all men would give up everything for six years and love you till the last day while being your full time nurse.

I miss her.
Everyday she crosses my mind.
Everyday I wonder if she is proud of the woman I have become.

That is the scary thing about death. It is so final and there is nothing that you can change or re-do. This inevitably leads to regrets. Everyone has them and everyone must face them when they lose someone they deeply love. Mine consumed my life for far too many years. "I wish I hadn't said that?", "Why didn't I spend more time with her?", "I wish I had asked her that question". Then time slowly forces you to accept each and every regret and digest it until it finally disappears. Now I understand and accept that things happened for a particular reason, a purpose, that hopefully one day I fully appreciate and understand.

There is this song that my mom wanted as her funeral song. It is too personal to me to reveal to the world but those close to me know what it is. Strangely I have been hearing this song all over Canada. I use to never hear it unless I played it to allow myself to cry. Now I hear it in Starbucks, in Walmart and used in TV commercials. Coupled with my interesting belief system and a faith in the universe; I feel like she is with me. Encouraging me to always keep my eyes on the horizon and make dreams a reality.

Two years ago I found out that my mother left me two gifts 1) for when I get married 2) for when I have my first child. In many ways these gifts almost propel me into wanting to sucker a man into marrying me and have a child. Almost everything within me wants to know what is in those two parcels (size unknown). What I would do for one more hug. Yet, there is nothing I would change. Obviously I would give up anything in this world to have her back but I wouldn't wanna give up the life knowledge this experience provided for me. She gave me an outlook on life that is unexplainable.

Many people have only one parent so they understand how the experience changes the direction of your life forever. Many of the best people that I know have suffered the greatest losses. These people find beauty in everything. They constantly see the silver lining.